You Can't Always Get What You Want

My source of contentment this week.

Contentment-noun- A state of happiness and satisfaction.

The above definition is relatively simple, yet I've noticed so many of us (myself included) have such a hard time understanding and achieving contentment in our lives. Why is this so when so many of us have so much to be thankful for?

As stated in a previous post, I had a tendency of looking at what I didn't have versus what I did have. I would achieve something and then look for my next big conquest. I compared myself to others and constantly thought, "If only I had so-and-so's life, I would be so happy."

Sadly, I overlooked my many blessings, such as my wonderful family, phenomenal friends, my health, a top-notch education, a job that pays the bills, etc.

I say this all in past tense because a few months ago I had an experience that opened my eyes to how ignorant and stupid I was being.

My roommate talked me into volunteering at a soup kitchen this past April. The experience as a whole was educational for me on so many levels, but one instance in particular really got me to stop and look at myself internally and make some changes.

Kristen (roommate) and I had just finished up our assignment of handing out canned goods to the elderly and handicapped outside the food shelter. We were standing inside saying goodbye to the people who had finished their meals when a woman approached me and asked me to pray with her. I readily agreed and as she took my hands in hers, I asked her what she would like to pray for.

To be honest, I was expecting her to ask to pray to better her situation or something along those lines. I couldn't have been more wrong. The woman looked me in the eye and said something like, "I want to pray for those poor souls in Japan and Tuscaloosa (both of these events had recently occurred at this point) who have lost family members, their possessions, and the will to live. I especially want to pray for those who don't know Jesus Christ. I want to pray that they will find Him, so that they have the strength to get through this and so they realize how lucky they are to be alive."

To say I was shocked at this woman's selflessness would be an understatement.  This woman pretty much had nothing, yet she still recognized that in the grand scheme of things her life wasn't that bad. I think this was the kick in the butt to get over myself that I needed.

Since this eye-opening experience, I've tried to keep my life in perspective and recognize how lucky I am versus dwelling on what I don't have. I'm twenty-four and have finally realized that I won't and shouldn't have it all at this point. 

I want to clarify that to me, contentment isn't just accepting your situation and not challenging yourself to be better. Contentment is being thankful for what you do have and working on what you would like to improve on, while not begrudging others for accomplishing things you have yet to achieve.

There is a difference between using someone's accomplishment(s) to push yourself to be better and allowing someone's accomplishment(s) to make you jealous and consume your life with unnecessary bitterness. 

In stepping back, I've reached a state of contentment in my life that I don't think I've ever experienced before. Don't get me wrong; I still have my weak moments where I question myself, my life's direction, and then some. However, I have found it easier to snap myself out of these negative thoughts now that I look internally, instead of externally.

Life has challenges and trust me, I fully understand that. At the same time, I'm fairly positive we can all find at least one thing to find contentment in every day. Even if it is something small such as the happy dog waiting for you when you get home, a hug from someone special after a rough day, or a beautiful sunset. As a friend said to me, "When you're busy looking at what you don't have, life will pass you by and you'll miss out on all the beauty." As cliche as this sounds, life is too short to dwell on the negative aspects.

I leave you with this quote from Eat, Pray, Love, "At some point you gotta let go, sit still, and allow contentment to come to you." Have you let contentment enter your life today?

                                

Thank you  Mitch Beer, Charles Wells, and Nicole D'Alonzo for your feedback on contentment and what it means to you.

We Still Haven't Forgotten

One of the many makeshift memorials on the drillfield

My senior year of high school I applied to ten schools, yet Virginia Tech always was my number one choice.  As soon as I stepped foot on campus, I knew without a doubt I belonged at Virginia Tech. VT was six and half hours away from home, yet I never second-guessed my decision. This was in large part due to the family-like atmosphere Virginia Tech provided. VT truly was my home away from home and my fellow Hokies (students and alum) all composed my extensive VT family.

When people ask where I went to school I proudly state Virginia Tech without hesitating. I usually get one of two responses: 

           1. A genuine response such as, "What a great school!" or "My dad went there!" 

           2. A stunned look followed by the dreaded, "Were you there when 'it' happened?"

The answer to the dreaded question is yes; I was there when 'it' happened. I was on campus and on lock-down under a desk while 'it' was taking place. My classmates and I did not know what our fates would be, nor if we would make it out of that classroom alive. I have never been so frightened in my life.

After being locked down for what seemed like an eternity, we were finally released from our classroom. I remember feeling like I was in a terrible dream that I couldn't wake-up from, as I frantically walked/ran to my car. Police with bulletproof vests and machine guns, police dogs, ambulances, and cop cars flanked what once was my beautiful and serene campus. 

When I finally made it back to my apartment, my best friend was waiting for me. We hugged one another and couldn't let go. One of us said something about transferring, but we both broke down immediately because we knew that wasn't an option. We both loved our school way too much to ever leave.

As the death toll kept rising, my friends and I desperately tried to get in contact with one another to ensure everyone's safety. Communication proved to be complicated, as phone calls were unable to go through. News spread quickly to the outside world, and my family and friends tried to get in contact with me in any way possible. I was blown away by how many people reached out to me, many of whom I had not heard from in years. 

The rest of that day and the following day were blurs. My friends and I struggled to wrap our heads around what we had just lived through, unable to come to terms with the enormity of it all.

The morning after 'it' a convocation took place in our basketball stadium. I felt like I was floating outside my body as I took in everything around me. Then-governor of Virginia, Tim Kane spoke to us, as did President Bush. I don't remember what they said to us, but I remember thinking: "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening." 

Throughout both of their speeches, I held hands with two of my sorority sisters, as all three of us quietly wept. We wept for our 32 family members we lost, for the devastated Hokie nation left behind, and for our innocence that was taken away from us in the blink of an eye.

Just as I thought my heart was going to explode from an inordinate amount of pain, an English professor by the name of Nikki Giovanni stood up at the podium. Her voice echoed throughout the hushed Cassell Coliseum, as she boldly read a poem she had composed, which ended with:

We are the Hokies.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We are Virginia Tech.

We immediately erupted into applause and the "Let's Go Hokies!" chant broke out. That's the first time I truly knew and believed that we would be okay.  Giovanni's simple and yet powerful ending became our battle cry. We would not let this tragedy define us and we would not let one sick individual defeat us. We were the Hokies and we stood tall.

Sending Hokie love to our 32 angels

Four Years Later

Saturday marks the four-year anniversary of that dark day in Hokie history. This will be the first year where classes aren't canceled to remember those who were lost that day. This is in large part due to the fact that the anniversary falls on a Saturday, but it is also because the last class who was present on that day graduated last year.

I realized that this also meant that all of the victims would have graduated as of last year. This realization made me wonder about the kind of impact they would be making on the world right now if their lives weren't unfairly ended that day. I remember being flabbergasted on the one-year anniversary, as all of the victims' accomplishments were read out loud. I think that's the first time I understood the quote, "Only the good die young."

A favorite quote from the ordeal says:

"I ask each of you to take the time to be a Hokie this week. Appreciate life a little more, take in every moment around you, count your blessings, tell the people around you that you love them, slow down, remember what's truly important in life. And live for those 32 that do not have that chance anymore." 

This quote says it all. Join me in honoring the 32 beautiful souls lost on that blustery April day four years ago by living life to the fullest. To our 32 angels, we still haven't forgotten you and I can say with certainty that we never will. Rest in peace.

We did prevail

Is This Real Life?

One of my favorite things about living in New York City is that without a doubt, you will experience something crazy every day. Some encounters have left me shaking my head and pulling a David After Dentist as I ask myself, "Is this real life?" I've decided to start posting some of my favorite experiences for your entertainment.  I promise everything I post is 100% true- most of the stories are too good to make up.

I'll start with my most recent encounter:

A few weekends ago, I went home to spend time with my family and friends. The day I returned to New York, Mother Nature decided a monsoon would be appropriate travel weather. Of course I didn't pack accordingly, so I didn't have any sort of rain resistant apparel.

Normally I would walk a few blocks away from Penn Station to hail a cab, but any New Yorker knows that when it rains you have a very rare chance at finding a cab. Due to this fact, I decided to wait in one of the never-ending cab lines.

Image via: http://tinyurl.com/4cesdqb

Much to my surprise, the line moved pretty steadily. I was close to the front when I noticed a he/she with bad extensions getting into a cab. Cabs normally floor it as soon as the passenger shuts the door, but this cab sat there for five minutes. Suddenly, the he/she emerged from the cab screaming into his/her cell phone and proceeded to bang on the trunk to get his/her luggage.

The cab driver flew out of the driver's side like a bat out of hell screaming, "DON'T YOU CALL ME A MODAF*CKER!!! YOU DA MODAF*CKER!!" The he/she flicked the cab driver off and they both proceeded to get in each other's faces.

As the he/she and cab driver were involved in their little scrum, the Flyers/Rangers game let out of Madison Square Garden. A drunk Flyers fan suddenly screamed out, "WHATEVER! WE'RE STILL IN FIRST PLACE AND YOU STILL SUCK!" Choruses of "You Suck!" and "F*ck you!" rang out from Rangers fans. Keep in mind that I am an intense Philadelphia fan and I love torturing New York fans just as much as the next guy, but we had just lost SEVEN TO NOTHING.

A drunk Rangers fan approached the drunken Flyers fan and some heated words were exchanged. I thought a fistfight was about to commence, but luckily a cop intervened and split the two up.

Just as I thought I had enough excitement for one twenty-minute interval, a car pulled up and a woman got out. She shouted loudly, "Is this Madison Square Garden?" A guy behind me in line yelled out in a stereotypical New York accent, "Uh yeah, dumb a**. What do you want,  for it to jump out at you?!"

Around this time I asked myself, "Is this real life?" Luckily, I had arrived at the front of the line and was quickly ushered to a cab.

I sat back as the cab pulled away from Madison Square Garden/Penn Station, and I couldn't help but laugh. I thought to myself, "Home sweet home."

Adult Decisions

Craig's List sends shivers down my spine. 

I am known to make quick decisions and not to think things through sometimes. As my mom would say, I am very impulsive. Before joining the "real world" I could get away with my impulsive tendencies for the most part. However, once I graduated college and faced some big decisions, I realized I needed to work on thinking before I acted.

Looking for a place to live is tough in general, but nothing compares to apartment hunting in New York City. The words nightmare, dreadful, and painful comes to mind, as I write this post. The sad part is, those words don't even do the NYC apartment hunt justice.

Rent in New York is already expensive, but add broker fees, first month rent, etc, and you're looking at an empty bank account before you can even blink. One of my favorite articles on living in New York describes a New York inhabitant's dilemma perfectly:

"Discover the cruel and bizarre world of New York City real estate. End up spending an obscene amount of money on something called a broker’s fee, first and last month’s rent and a security deposit. Cry a little bit in the leasing office but remind yourself that you’re so happy to be here."

I'll never forget laying in my bed at my parent's house crying in fetal position once I realized how much money I would have to fork over up front in order to sign for my current apartment. I couldn't understand how one little apartment could cost so much. Yet, I had my heart set on New York, so I handed over everything in my savings to live the dream. 

My roommate and I recently embarked on the dreaded apartment hunt. Craig's List and e-mails with brokers took over our lives. Every spare second we had was spent looking at apartments. My life revolved around finding an apartment and other aspects of my life quickly suffered. I wasn't sleeping, I was struggling to keep up at work, I had zero "me" time-- the list goes on.  To make matters worse, unforeseen circumstances popped up that crippled our hunt. By the end of a week of searching, I was exhausted, broken hearted, and discouraged. 

When I first moved to New York, I struggled to make rent and pay for my various other bills. I lived paycheck to paycheck and often wondered if I'd be able to survive before payday. I received a raise over the summer, and suddenly I could breathe again. I didn't struggle any longer for the most part and my life became pretty comfortable. The apartments we were looking at would have reverted me back to living paycheck to paycheck and empty my savings. To be honest, I didn't really want to go back to that lifestyle again.

Our  little apartment suddenly didn't look so bad. My roommate was the first to say it out loud, "Let me ask you this, do we even want to move?" As hard as it was for both of us to accept, we knew the answer. Yes, we wanted bigger beds, a living room, and to be closer to the subway. However, we both have worked hard to get to where we are and didn't want to ruin ourselves financially over a new apartment that didn't even fit the criteria we had set.

In the past, I would have spent the money and dealt with the consequences later, but the new adult in me wasn't having it. Bad credit and poor finances can ruin you for a lifetime. I can put up with not being 100% happy for a year in a small apartment. As the Fray sings, "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." My roommate and I made an extremely difficult decision, yet I know it is the right one for us. Adult decisions sometimes aren't fun or what you want, but hey, that's life. 

Happy Anniversary, New York!

Crossing the Brooklyn Bridge with Manhattan in the background.

I realize I have been a terrible (I probably should use a stronger word than terrible) blogger. One of my many New Year's resolutions is to get back into blogging. I figured what better time to do so than now, as my one-year anniversary of moving to New York City is approaching on Sunday.

This post will probably be pretty lengthy, as a lot has happened since my last post in April. I apologize in advance. Bear with me!

When people find out that I live in New York, I'm usually greeted with jaws on the ground, followed by a comment similar to: "Oh my gosh, New York?! You are so lucky!" While I am extremely lucky to live in this incredible city and usually have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, New York isn't all fun and games. In fact, New York can be pretty harsh and intense at times. My roommate and I like to say that we have a love-hate relationship with the Big Apple. There are times when my head is in the clouds and I want to scream out, "I love you, New York!!" And then there are other times when I just want to walk around with a particular finger high in the air. (Sorry, Mom.)

For a while I had a really hard time connecting with the city and felt like I was on an extended vacation. My “vacation” was filled with unbelievable experiences, such as seeing Lady Gaga perform in her hometown, seeing various Broadway shows (Wicked is incredible), and interacting with some of the most brilliant minds I’ve ever come in contact with.

It truly wasn't until the past couple of months that I really felt at home in the city. In the year I've called New York my home, I’ve had highs and lows, which have helped me learn some valuable lessons along the way.

I feel that there are three main lessons that the Big Apple has schooled me in:

Lesson #1: Quality vs. Quantity

Making friends has never been a challenge for me. I have always been the type of person to have hundreds (okay, maybe not hundreds) of friends in various social circles. In college, I was a member of a sorority comprised of 120+ girls, in addition to having friends all over campus. Let's just say my parents weren't shocked when I told them I wanted to go into the Public Relations field.

New York presented a challenge that I had never experienced before when it came to making friends. I immediately made friends with a group of girls, but I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted more. I found that a lot of women here had their cliques and didn't usually go outside of them. This was extremely hard for me to digest. I joked to my roommate, "So let me get this straight. Not only do I have to struggle to find a boyfriend, but I also have to struggle to find girlfriends?!"

For a while, I looked at what I didn’t have vs. what I DID have. I think this contributed a lot to not feeling a connection to the city in the first couple of months. Once I finally woke up and looked at the quality of friends around me, I realized I didn’t need to have a million and one friends. The girls I had surrounded myself were REAL, quality people and would drop anything for me at a moment’s notice.

New York has helped me understand the whole quality vs. quantity concept. I have found the need to surround myself with a group of people who will pick me up when I fall, who won’t let me be my own worst enemy, who will tell me things that I don’t necessarily want to hear, and then some. What more could I ask for?

Lesson #2: Love Yourself

I experienced love in the Big Apple this past year. The relationship was unconventional and something totally different for me. I became swept away in the excitement of it all, but I lost myself along the way.

I found myself compromising on qualities and issues that I never really had to think about before. At the beginning, I thought I could get over what I had compromised on. Turns out I couldn’t.

I faced a difficult situation: Love for another vs. Love for myself. I wasn’t the same girl who started out in the relationship, which was a difficult realization for me to grasp. I always thought I was strong and that I would never be “that girl.” Yet, I put this person before those that I cared for most, including myself.

Samantha from Sex and the City said, “I'm just going to say the thing you're not supposed to say. I love you, but I love me more.” To tell someone that is heartbreaking, yet empowering. I have struggled for years with the whole “love yourself” concept and I finally had gotten to the point where I realized I loved myself too much to be feeling the way I did. It took me twenty-four years to come to this realization, but better late than never, right?

Lesson #3: Power of Positive Thinking

Although coming to the realization that I loved myself was a huge victory, I was devastated by the demise of my “Big City Love.” I cried harder than I had in a long time and felt a huge hole in my life. I had lost my boyfriend and best friend.

To quote Sex and the City again, “Despite the fact that there are over 8 million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle or on an answering machine.” I broke down in public and people didn’t even bat an eyelash (not that I wanted them to.) I remember feeling invisible and completely alone, even though I had people all around me. That’s a pretty sobering feeling.

I hate to admit this, but I am a wallower. I love throwing pity parties for myself and I could make a living off of obsessing over petty crap. After a couple of days (and boxes of tissues), I decided I couldn’t keep walking along the path I was going down. I needed to be positive and to throw myself into getting the old Laura back. So, I did just that.

I started doing things that made me happy and feel good about myself, such as going to the gym, having girls’ nights, and writing. Whenever I would get upset over the past, I would call or talk to someone I knew would give me tough love and snap me out of my funk. I wouldn’t allow myself to be my own worst enemy and removed things from my life that would allow me to do so.

I have found that I have applied the positivity principle to my life, besides the above example. To say it is easy to be negative in New York would be an understatement. There are people surrounding you that have everything you don’t have and in some cases, everything you’ll never have. Oh, and don’t forget the beautiful people that seem to pop out at you at every corner.

But here’s what it comes down to: There’s a reason why some of the most powerful and influential companies and CEOs in the world reside in NYC. Minus your friends and family, no one gives a crap if you’re upset. Life will and does go on with or without you. Basically, if you aren’t positive and at peace with yourself, New York will eat you alive.

Summing it up:

I could go on and on about everything I’ve learned in the year I’ve lived in New York City, but I think these three lessons have had the most impact on my life.

I have found a kinship with another Sex and the City quote (last one, I promise.) Carrie Bradshaw said, “If you can only have one great love, then the city just may be mine.” In my mind, love is supposed to teach you new lessons about yourself and how you interact with the world. New York has truly changed me in various ways and has opened my eyes to the world around me. I am challenged every day, which to me makes every day fulfilling. At 24 years-old, that is a pretty fantastic thing to be able to say.

New York, thank you for the most amazing year of my life. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store!